Keep It to Yourself

Due to the fact that I have strep throat as I am writing this- and would delight in nothing more than the comfort of my heating pad and massive queen size bed... I plan on keeping this blog short and sweet. (Except for the fact that the content I am writing about is neither- oh well.)

So, here goes. This Saturday was the annual speech tournament at Assumption High School in Louisville, KY. As I previously informed you, I had strep throat and decided to skip out on my rounds and be there for moral support, more of less. I could either be found curled in the fetal position using my vomit inducing green-colored North Face jacket as neck support- or sitting in a team mates room causing an unnecessary amount of ruckus every time I attempted to breathe...

ANYWAY. At the conclusion of the tourney, the team decided on St. Matthew's Mall for dinner. This proved to be a bittersweet decision because, in case you were unaware, Forever 21 inhabits this particular mall. We had only an hour. So, we (and by we, I mean the girls) hurriedly scarfed down the over priced food to allow ourselves enough time to browse Forever 21 to blow the remnants of the 20 bucks our mothers gave us before our trek to Louisville.

So, fast forward to the wait in line at F21. I am standing there with Marissa Lee. She is purchasing an adorable purse. Little did we know- we were about to be submitted to an excruciating amount of awkwardness.

Let me set this up for you. Forever 21 is much like Claire's in the sense that everything is smashed together and there's hardly any room to breathe. Keeping this in mind- picture yourself behind a couple covered in tattoos and tight jeans that undoubtedly transported themselves to this mall on a motorcycle... Alright, getting the picture? Not so bad... UNTIL, the Public Display of Affection presents itself. I am the type of person who doesn't enjoy PDA much as it is, but I'm talking Kat Von D + boob implants + that creepy bald guy from Orange County Choppers + gross PDA + MY ALREADY UNEASY STOMACH DUE TO MY ILLNESS = bad forever 21 experience. I mean, maybe I'm overreacting... actually no, I'm not- at all. Let me break it down for you in short, choppy, incomplete sentences. Hand in each other's back pockets. Excessive butt squeezing. Hand over vaginal area (YES. SERIOUSLY. OVER THE PANTS. GROSS.) Creepy lip biting. All of this OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER.

Well. I'm done. I shall now suppress this memory as best as I can. Just spreading the awkwardness... My job here is done, I believe.

On the bright side. I met Ben Folds and Robert Pattinson prior to my horrific F21 experience...

and I have the pictures to prove it!