By the Numbers

I would like to start off this blog by apologizing for my lack of blogging in the past three weeks. My awkwardness has subsided just to spite me, and I am rather sick of it. Simply put, my life has been less than exciting the past few weeks. I'm not saying my recent non-existent awkward lifestyle is necessarily a problem, but without these awkard situations I just don't have much to talk about. Which is extremely lame because I have to post blogs in order to get a grade. Hm. What to do, what to do?

Well, I suppose I can discuss some of the most memorable awkward moments since the day I was born. I will give you three examples to make up for the three blogs I have failed to post.

Awkward Experience No. 1:
When I was about seven or eight years old I went to my MaMa's (grandmother on my father's side) house for my birthday celebration. I was a happy camper in my adorable matching Mickey Mouse outfit and my new pink Barbie tricycle (Yes, I still rode a tricycle when I was seven. Yes, it did match my Mickey Mouse outfit. No, I am not ashamed). The festivities had subsided, therefore my cousins and I decided to play in the backyard. There was a huge tree with a treehouse in it. In other words, there was a large square of thin wood nailed over a few branches with little piece of wood nailed to the trunk leading to this less than safe treehouse. We decided to give it a go. Getting up the thing and playing on it was not the problem... until I realized I was stuck. Yes, stuck. Somehow my new pink shorts AND underwear had snagged on a nail and left me stationary. It was absolutely awful. All of my cousins laughed. I cried. It was truly devastating. My dad had to climb his huge six foot frame up the tree and unhook me by taking off my shorts and underwear. I was distraught and embarrassed. Mom came to pick me soon afterwards. The end.

Awkward Experience No. 2:
This is not one specific experience. It is something that, unfortunately, happens to me quite often. So, my mother and I go to the mall/target/kohls/ etc. quite often to remedy our hatred for being at home. This would not be problematic if she didn't manage to disappear when I look away or linger in a particular spot for three seconds. And her ability to meander away from me quickly wouldn't be too bad if I didn't have the uncanny ability of assuming the middle aged woman beside me was my mother. I really believe this only happens to me. I will be in an aisle, and I'll pick up a shirt or something and turn around and say, "Hey, Mom- look at how disgusting this shirt is?", and look up afterwards only to see a stranger looking at me awkwardly. I then have to apologize and walk away awkwardly to attempt to find my real mother. It truly is an awkward experience.

Awkward Experience No. 3:

The experience I am about to share with you is a true winner in the realm of awkwardness, so let's get right to it. In eighth grade I had Mr. Goodrid as a home room teacher. Therefore, I had to cats test in his room with the rest of the kids in my room. You are most likely already aware, but cats testing is quite possibly the easiest form of testing EVER created. On top of that, you have an ample amount of time to finish. So, here I am, with at least 2 hours left before the next test- what else was there to do besides sleep. About thirty minutes later I am woken up by Mr. Goodrid hovering over me and asking me if I'm okay. I think to myself, "Um... I cannot even lift my head right now or else the pool of drool under my chin will be revealed." As if that's not embarrassing enough, a girl in my homeroom later tells me that I had been snoring loudly and it was "so freaking hilarious, oh my gosh." Yeah. Awkard. Embarrassing. My life. The end.